I'm taking too many liberties with my band. Too many carbs, probably eating too much at each sitting.
I'm still frustrated that after shelling out so much money for the surgery I'm having to rely more and more on my own will power which I definitely do not have an abundance of to begin with.
My next fill is May 5th. I want about a gallon of saline this time. More than 4ccs, that's for sure.
I need dainty eating habits. Like a little bird. I want to know at the end of the day, I've barely eaten a thing and I'm full. I have the whole restraint thing down but I'd like a little back up.
The time for real work has set in. The initial thrill of the surgery is over. It's time to lay down some life long habits. Like the water and vitamins in the morning. I'm even almost forgetting to start my day with my hand full of supplements including those very important water pills.
I DO want this. I need to maintain that burning passion for health and for a normal weight. I'm thankfully headed in the right direction but I feel like a detour is always lurking right around the corner. God, it's so easy to fall right back into old eating habits, that mindless nibbling, the bullshit justifications for eating even when I'm not hungry, for listening to my head instead of the rest of my body. Eat when hungry and eat what's good for it. Protein, lean meats specifically, vegetables. The cavemen had it right.
I swam yesterday, with the hope that it would ease the pain in my hip but ALSO for the movement. I really enjoyed it but that bowflex bastard in the garage is really what I should be spending time with. That is, after we blow the dust off of it.
Tomorrow is a road trip day. I WILL make good choices. I've made no secret about my food plan so being with good friends helps keep me honest. There's no reason why healthy and accommodating food can't be found under any circumstance. How hard is it to find a damn chicken breast.
I'm going to make it. I've made great strides already. It's too late to go back to eating McDonald's breakfast and fat laden crap. It's too late for high sugar low protein snacks and Christ almighty, it's definitely too late to climb back into the 300 pound range. And yeah, if you have even rudimentary math skills, you can figure out for yourself (if it really means that much to you) how much I weighed at my top weight. That's as close as I'll come to posting actual numbers, for now.
3 comments:
Don't be too hard on yourself! Put the scales away and focus on the positives. You've already come a long way.
Great work swimming. I want to start getting involved in it again, after years of never even owning a costume!
Remember weight loss is not a sprint, its a marathon. If you lose the weight at a healthy range each week you have more of a chance of keeping it off.
You're doing great Pam, you really are. I know it's gotta be frustrating, but I know you can do this!
I know the frustration...I mean, I haven't had a band, but my frustration is I get fucking hungry. It drives me nuts. I really want to eat healthy, but when I try I swear I'm always hungry. I think life would be so much easier if I could just not eat at all, kind of like any other addict can completely abstain from their ... habit, addiction, whatever. To me, the food thing is akin to telling an alcoholic that he can drink, but only in moderation, and only certain things. Doesn't make a damn bit of sense, and I probably don't either, but goddammit I wish I could lose some weight. I'm stuck, and I can't stop munching. Grrrrrrr.
Hi Pam, I just wanted to tell you it does get easier..... I found the first few months after surgery frustrating aswell then after I think around my 3rd fill it all just happened....a year later now 36 kgs lighter its easier to look back and laugh at the frustrations, I now though have suffered a slippage and currently have an open band inside me waiting to be done up, so in some respects I am right with you. Back to no restriction and thinking I could eat a bakery!
Anyway enough of my blab, just wanted to say good on you for having the surgery - it is something you will not regret.
Regards, Trish
http://fattypatty-fattypatty.blogspot.com/
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