Out On The Table

After 3 full days on the liquid diet, I'd give myself a score of 6 out of a possible 10. Perfection seems unobtainable. I haven't had a perfect day, yet. I think my cheat choices have been reasonable and for that, I give myself the 6. Boiled eggs, whole grain bread, organic peanut butter, carrots and fat free ranch dressing.
Possibly the hardest thing I've done in a very long time. The anguish and void left by the absence of food is overwhelming. The temptations and fantasies of eating are tormenting me. Resistance is a mental white knuckle grip.
This weekend may be my biggest challenge yet. A full two days of non stop baseball confronted with people eating snacks, kids eating junk food and being away from my comfort zone, home.
I've prepared for it by buying an insulated bag for my optifast drinks and of course, our cooler will be full of sugar free jello. I actually like the jello and the Popsicles but the nutrisweet is kicking my ass. I'm not a big artificial sweetener user so I'm having wicked headaches and diarrhea. The least of my worries however.
I've noticed a big decline in the need for insulin and my blood sugars are staying pretty close to normal without many bolus doses through the day. A plus for sure.
It has been infinitely easier to keep somewhat focused and determined with Larry doing the fast with me. I'm bowled over by his selflessness in deciding to do this with me, even though he doesn't really have to. When he prepares for his surgery, he'll have to do the two week fast all over again. I'm incredibly lucky to have him on my side.
The boys have been so great too. Asking me how I am, how it's going and understanding why we don't join them at the dinner table. We've always been adamant about eating as a family every night so this is a big change for them. But they get it. And they know it's only temporary.
I plan to use this blog for dumping the shit of the day. A place for being accountable for my success and progress and especially for the bad choices I am bound to make. Here I can write ad nauseum and keep this topic separate from Bubble Writes.
What I wanted today but didn't eat:

Sausage Egg and Cheese McMuffin
Pizza
Buckeyes
Almonds
Coke
Bacon
Butter
Mayonnaise

I have two more "shakes" to drink before bed which should satisfy me until morning.
Tomorrow is another opportunity to get it right and get my body in pristine condition for the surgery and the months of food restriction and weight loss to follow.
I CAN DO THIS!!!!


Surgery date is now a mere 11 days away. February 26th to be exact.