Today is half over and Tuesday is THEE day so pretty much, I'm convinced that I only have 4 days left. Four days to rely on my own will (or lack of) to keep my hands off the doritos and out of the ice cream.
Yesterday was another success I guess. For most of the day I was with the closest thing I'll ever have to a sister. She is exactly who I need her to be in my life at any given moment. Currently, she is on a very restricted food plan so eating out yesterday was not going to happen. We didn't even entertain the idea because neither of us is eating! It couldn't have worked out better. It made not eating very easy. She is my voice of reason in very uncertain waters.
She's had gastric bypass, she was my sponsor when I did the 12 steps of Over Eaters Anonymous so my friend knows my shit. She knows me inside out and upside down and surprisingly enough, she still loves me! After 20+ years!
I ended up eating another peanut butter sandwich (what's with the peanut butter?) late yesterday afternoon and some carrots. I made the boys cheese ravioli w/ pepperoni and marinara sauce and shrimp scampi w/garlic bread. Oddly, not eating that food was pretty easy. I wasn't even tempted. As we do every night, all night long, Larry and I toss around the idea of ordering a veggie sub from Subway and then we don't. It's become routine and almost a joke between us.
I don't know why I don't see the last 10 days as more of a success than they are. I think that I've been wired for perfection so that anything less is a complete failure. I confessed my cheats to Ian and even he (my harshest critic) was encouraging and positive about my good choices. I wish I could cut myself some slack like that.
In the meantime, I'm dreaming of waking up in recovery with my band and the comfort of knowing that it's over, I did it. And my first steps toward (FINALLY) a life without the burden of being overweight. I'll always have a "weight problem" because it'll be something I work on every day but the difference between February 27th 2008 and February 27, 2007 is that I am (finally) doing something to change the reality of living as an obese person. And dreaming, or more like fantasizing about being on the cover of the "How I Lost It" issue of People Magazine in 2009?
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2 comments:
4 days left!! You deserve a Whawho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey, if you're gonna be in People, just make sure you have a good "before" picture prior to surgery. We want see that dramatic transformation! :)
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