Balance

I am having a bit of a struggle with my blood sugars right now. I optimistically hoped that my diabetes would just disappear after surgery and with the little I was eating, I prematurely put my pump in the drawer and threw away all of my testing supplies. Yeah, it wasn't like the movie 'Field of Dreams', just because I built the drawer void of all the diabetes supplies, the freedom from the disease didn't come. I could tell by how I felt that my sugar was high.
So, the pump went back on last night. It put me in a bit of dejected mood, giving in and depending on the pump again.
Today I had two blood sugar lows. Out of now where, my sugar dropped to 58 and 61. If you've never had a blood sugar low, it's hard to imagine how it feels. Panic, sweat, shaking, disorientation, no energy. It sucks the life right out. And it forces me to eat to recover normal reading which makes me afraid to get on the scale. See the merry go round I'm on?
In frustration, earlier tonight I took the pump off (again). I guess some tweaking is in order but I'm frustrated and tend to go on overwhelm when too much is happening with my body chemistry all at once.
I ain't healed yet but with time and patience and massive amounts of lost weight I think I might just beat this disease, if I can just find some balance.